What do boys need from their mom
Oh my boys…for those who don’t know me personally, I have 2 girls and 2 boys. Each one of them is as different as the other, but there are things I believe boys need from their mom no matter how old they seem to be becoming. Here are my top 5 things boys need from their mom.
1. They still need to be touched
I can still remember the day my oldest son no longer wanted me to see him naked. He could do it himself and I was no longer needed. Ouch. Doesn’t he remember I washed that butt a thousand times? The relationship had shifted.
Although that part of my parenting was over for him, I knew in my heart of hearts that he still needed to be hugged, a welcoming hand out to him, a brush of my hands on his hair. Boys still need that from their mom. All those little moments of connection still needed to be given. Do I have to beg (sometimes force lol) a hug from him? Of course, but that doesn’t stop me.
I know that although the hugs offered to me are far and few between, I still push for them. I still need him to know that love for him hasn’t stopped just because he now uses gel in his hair.
2. They need to see you value yourself
This one is hard for me because a lot of times everyone else comes first. Mom fixes everyone’s plate before her own, she is the last one to shower, and some times the sweats she wore to bed are still on at 5pm, but they need to know you care about yourself as much as you care about them.
This self care act will look differently for every mom, but for me it may be reading that book I’ve been dying to get my hands on. They witness you taking a stand on something you are passionate about. Maybe a dinner with some friends? Even taking a few minutes to put on regular pants. I want him to see a women who loves her children to the core, but loves herself as well. Boys need to see that from you.
3. They need you to be in their business
I know a lot of parents will not agree with me on this one and that’s ok. That’s what makes us all unique and how we parent is our own love language. BUT, for me that’s asking a hundred different questions about what they did today at school, what did they learn, did they make any new friends, did they see anyone who may need a helping hand…
I wish I could let people see what kinds of conversations we have in the car. If I’m lucky enough to be alone in the car with just one of my children, they open up like you’ve never seen. I’ve asked about girls, the reasoning we don’t believe in smart phones until a certain age, the responsibilities of being a good person, the need for better human beings on this earth. You name it, we’ve probably talked about it.
4. They need you to teach them how to be a good man
If you’re lucky enough to have an amazing father figure in your son’s life to teach them how to be a good man, awesome! That doesn’t mean it’s still all on them though. We, as mothers, can still teach them how as well. Stay with me here.
I’m with my kids alone a lot. My husband works outside of the home and a lot of times is out of town, so I take many many opportunities to show these boys a thing or two. They know that girls go first in this house. Point blank. They open doors for not only their sisters, but their momma and strangers. They understand respect when speaking to the elderly and how to be humble.
Raising boys that know how to fold laundry, boil water (still working on the cooking lol), cut the grass, take out the trash, play with their younger siblings, learn to lose gracefully, and to give before asking to receive.
5. They need you to tell them it's ok to cry
I’m not talking about whining. That is a whole other blog post. I’m talking about being completely heart broken and letting it flow. Can you imagine as women not being able to cry? I’m serious, think about it. Do you know how many times I have cried tears of joy, sorrow, fearfulness, and exhaustion? Too many to count. Do you know how many times I’ve seen a man cry? I can count on one hand. When did we become so damn hypocritical?
I want my boys to know they are allowed to feel. They are allowed to cry after seeing their wife bring their first born into the world. They are allowed to cry at the loss of a job, the devastation of a diagnosis, and the love of finding their forever best friend. Tears flow because we are alive and they are alive.
We are raising future husbands
Here me moms. We are raising the future men of this world. They are going to be caring for your grandchildren. They will be marrying, god willing, their best friends, and they are going to shape an entire household…give them love, guidance, and a swift kick in the ass if they are doing something that looks like they may turn into really sucky adults. Give them you.