This season of your life
Finding beauty in the chaos. This season of your life. After I put Ella to bed last night, I glance over at my oldest daughter’s room and the most beautiful sunset was falling causing this glow to her room. Cricket, her cat, was purring in her little circle of sleepy haze, and I couldn’t stop myself from climbing into Kailyn’s bed, rubbing the cat’s soft fur, and gazing outside as the trees rustled in the wind.
As I laid there and heard the bustle of our home below of the older children giggling at that particular episode of American’s Got Talent…I felt gratitude. I prayed for this. I prayed my home would be filled with laughter of children, a warm place to call my own, and a partner I could count on.
Sometimes it gets lost in the chaos of life. After that fourteenth snack I’ve given out, that spill I have to clean up, and another fever in the house…It can all seem like too much.
I laid in her bed for 30 minutes watching the tress look like they were dancing. Taking a moment to myself to see my world from a different angle. A further away glimpse into that luck that I’m honored to get.
its hard to see sometimes
I huff and puff so much during the day you’d think I was a The Big Bad Wolf. Sometimes it’s so hard to find any good in your situation it feels as though you’re drowning. Like no matter how much you are treading water, you’re not getting anywhere. At least not anywhere you want to be going.
I love this piece from Her View From Home. The author talks about being so exhausted, but then remembering how much goodness came from that day. How her husband pitched in and she has great kids, how even though negative self talk happens, she remembers “these thoughts swirl through my head I know, without a doubt, it’s a heart problem. More accurately, it’s my heart problem.”
Negative self talk can be brutal. We will always be our own enemy without even realizing it. The scary part is? Sometimes it can take some life altering event to change our thought process.
We all have those days
Did you know I have forgotten kids at school before?
Did you know one time I didn’t make it home on time to get a child off the bus, and had a panic attack realizing that the driver had to take him back to school?
Did you know when I was in the thick of raising two in diapers that I felt like I was completely and utterly drowning in life.
More times that I can count during potty training and another wet sheets incident occurred, I just put a big towel over the mess, changed some undies, and crawled back into bed?
We all feel like we’re failing at motherhood, parenthood, marriage, & life. Guess what? You’re normal.
Some things that have helped me
*Asking for help. I have a very hard time asking for help, but I know that I’m a better parent if I do. Forgot something at the store? I ask my husband to pick it up on the way home from work. Really need to work, make a phone call, or breathe for just a second? Ask for help.
*Gratitude journal. I know it’s corny, but this really does make a difference. I’ve noticed if I start the day with writing a few things I’m grateful for, it makes me pause and realize how freakin lucky I am.
*Taking time away. When I was in the thick of colic, diapers, and constant baby needs…I had to get out. Sometimes my husband would walk through the door and know I needed to have some time alone. I was touched out. I’d head to Barnes & Noble and walk aimlessly around touching all the books.
*Stop what you’re doing and snuggle with one of your children. Read to them, talk to them about their day, or just plain rest your eyes while the chaos around you continues. That laundry will still be there yes, but it can wait.
Laugh. Laugh until your belly hurts. This is all going to pass and you’ll be left with children who know you gave it all you had and then some. Give freely, give often, and squeeze those babies tight. You prayed for what you have now.