My IG blew up after a posted a picture of the new space I made for my college daughter and her “husband.” Yes, she got married. I giggled at the questions because since I share everything (open book here), friends/followers were stunned when they caught that little snippet. The thing is, I needed to grieve a few things before I shared. See, it didn’t happen the way I had dreamed it would.
Let me preface this blog post with a couple questions I’m going to get asked. She is home from college from her school being officially shut down due to the corona virus, and her husband was laid off due to all this mess as well. He is currently looking for work and she is finishing up her Bachelor’s and will be graduated in May. He is planning on going to EMT school in the fall.
When, how, and all the details
Kailyn left to study abroad August 2019. The Sunday before she left we had a family cookout to celebrate. I met Jesse that day, loved him that day, and realized how much he adored her. That following week, she got married at the court house and I knew nothing of it. Yeah, keep reading…
When did I find out? A few weeks after returning from Sweden, I was cleaning her room out and packing things to be stored when I came upon a piece of paperwork. It was their marriage license. Ever had that out of body experience? Where you know you’re there in that space, but the world stands still? Well, that happened to me. It can’t be. She wouldn’t do that. Right?
I immediately FaceTimed her and all I could get out, with a very very angry voice was, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She instantly knew I knew. I burst into tears, don’t have a clue what exactly I said because all I could see was a future I had been so desperate to help her find, vanish.
Pain & Heartache
Memories flooded my mind of her as a little girl, all the sacrifices I had endured, the late night talks, the guidance, the direction I had given, all of it felt in vain. I couldn’t see past the pain of my own loss. I lost the honor of walking her down that isle, giving her away, making sure they both had the tools to make marriage work, and the joy of seeing my first born make a promise to the man she had fallen head over heels in love with.
She was broken at the thought of disappointing me and I was broken because of the choices she had made. This was new territory for us. I had never felt so betrayed by her. You see, we have this special bond. Maybe due to the fact I had her at 18, we grew up together, and she made me the mom I am today. All of the emotions. She had grown up knowing she could tell me anything, talk to me about literally anything, but she had kept this secret from me and hadn’t let me experience this with her. My heart was shattered. So was hers.
Fast forward to October
It took awhile for me to come out of my grief to realize she was in love. Like head over heels in love. Jesse saved every last penny he had and flew to Sweden to be with her. He stayed the entire time she was there. He kept her safe in a foreign country and they had an epic first few months of newlywed bliss. My heart started to soften and felt relief that she had someone who was willing to put his entire life on hold to be with her.
I know for some reading this, you may be thinking “why did she get so upset? Gosh, it’s just marriage, she didn’t hurt anyone.” Please keep in mind that I was just a mom, she was my firstborn, and I had the right to feel heartache for what I had believed was going to be a life changing choice that was made.
We talked multiple times per week while she was abroad and each and every time I felt a sense of relief. He was there. She had someone there. God began to bring me back to what was important. It was ok to feel the disappointment, but it was more important to love, with open arms.
they both returned in January
After a very long trip, they both returned from Sweden and began their life as man and wife in Asheville, where Kailyn was in college. Little did we know, our entire country was getting ready to be thrown on our head.
The college was officially getting locked down and Jesse’s new job was looking grim. We all made the decision to move them both here where they would be safe. Where Kailyn should finish her college degree online (like the rest of everyone else), Jesse wouldn’t have to worry about being away from her, and we could provide a respite from all this chaos.
Surprisingly, or not surprisingly at all, we have all fallen in love with him as well. I knew that she would always pick someone who gave everything they had to her, but he is definitely a light in her life I never expected. He has brought out a softer side of her I didn’t know was there. She is giggly, content, and excited for what their future holds and I’m here for the ride.
when your plans are not god's plans
The older I get, the more I realize that I only have control over what I can control, and even then it may not be what occurs. I can do all the right things, but those things may not pan out the way I think they should. And guess, what? That’s ok. It may be exactly what you needed. What you’re family needed. What God knew needed to happen.